My Rode Trip to Bakersfeeld for Thanksgiving
I was vary surprized that we didn’t go on owr rode trip in the bloo masheen. They got a ginormus red masheen for the trip. It matched my stroler! Win they ferst put me in the red masheen, they put me in my prizzin box. I didn’t think that wood be a vary fun place to spend my rode trip. But after they pakt evrything in the car, they opend the prizzin box so I cood moove arownd and look owt the windows. Yoo can see they pakt my heeted cat burrito bed, a new litterbox espeshully deezined for the rode, and behind the cat bed is my Whirly*Pop Klubhowse box. They wood NOT let me take my stroler or the tunnul box becuz the Food Lady sed, “Skeezix! Yoo alreddy have too much krap alreddy; we don’t have room! We’re only going for ONE DAY!” So I had to make do with the bare essenchuls. She did let me take many of my kyoot owtfits, tho — not ALL of them, but I did git to take my faverits. I must note that they thotfully got a speshul thingie to plug into the sigerette liter that alowd them to plug in my heeted cat burrito bed so it wood be warm and toastey on the rode trip. I thot that was a vary nice thing to do.
Owr ferst stop was the McDonald’s in Westley. The Food Lady was driving wich meens we don’t git to stop the red masheen unless yer bladder is abowt to berst. I didn’t have to werry becuz I had my litter box, but Mr Tasty Face did not bring his litter box or the portubul Jonny he keeps in his bloo masheen. Mr TF also wunted to eet brekfist and git koffey to “moove the werks thru my dijestiv trak”. Frankly, I think the Food Lady cood have used sum koffey becuz she hadn’t gottin much sleep and she was a littul kranky. (Mr Tasty Face duzn’t hardly ever git kranky or snappish.) Also, Mr Tasty Face wunted to eet AT McDonald’s at one of thare nice tabuls, not in the red masheen as we were driving down the rode — becuz then he mite need to use the litter box, and thare woodn’t be one for many miles. The Food Lady wunted to git bak on the Eyes 5 as qwikly as possibul. Mr Tasty Face wun, so they stade in McDonald’s for a wile wile we stade in the red masheen. My cuzzin Eric, hoo came with us, was past owt in the bak seet. He only waked up win I climed down on this face, or jumped down on top of him. Anyway, this is a pikchur of Mr Tasty Face chekking up on me thru the bak window at the McDonald’s in Westley:
I don’t have pikchurs of owr next stop — the fameus Chuck Erreca Rest Stop — becuz I took videeyo of it for owr rode trip moovey. And I have fotos of the northbownd stop that I took on owr way home. Anyway, heer is whut a rode trip look like on Eyes 5:
As yoo can planely see, thare are masheens AS BIG AS HOWSES on the rode trip street. And all the masheens go vary vary vary fast, not slow like they do by my howse. It is vary thrilling to go so fast. Whut is NOT so fun is win all the masheens stop and the Food Lady says sum of the werds frum my bad werds list. Thare were many many many masheens, and we had to go slow or stop a lot. The Food Lady duzn’t like stopping and going slow. I gess evrybuddy was going to Oildale, the Center of Sivilizayshun, for Thanksgiving, and since we were going to Bakersfeeld, wich is NEER Oildale, we got stuk in the Oildale traffik.
Heer is anuther pikchur of a ginormus masheen on weels that I saw on the Eyes 5:
THE DIRT and MOWNTINS
Thare is also a lot to look at on eether side of the rode trip street. Thare are NO forests ware the vishus deer can live. Just lots of dirt and mowntins. And sumtimes, cows that look qwite a bit like cowcats, only with funny faces and BIG flab purses with fingers stikking owt of them. Anyway, heer’s a pikchur of the dirt:
And here is a pikchur of Oildale, the center of Sivilizayshun:
THE VISHUS DEER in BAKERSFEELD
Win we were just a few short bloks frum my Ant Joanne’s howse, we SAW A FAMLY OF VISHUS DEER! I neerly pooped my pants! They were holding vary vary still so that we woodn’t see them…. but I’m up to thare triks, and I spotted them and took a pikchur. It givs me the shakes just to think abowt it.
MY FAMLY in BAKERSFEELD
Forchewnitly, we made it to Ant Joanne’s withowt insident, and I got to meet my cuzzins hoo I had never in my life met before! Heer they are:
Perl used to live with the Food Lady. Now she lives with Ant Joanne and kills rats for a livving.
EDDIEEddie is a vary cool cat. He used to liv with thare naybers, but he liked it better at Ant Joanne’s, so now he livs thare. Last week, he brot home a haff-cooked teebone stake, and he gave it to Fred (see below) to eet. Nobuddy knows ware he got it, and evrybuddy wisht they seen him jumping over the bak fense with a big ol’ stake in his mouth. He immediutely took a liking to Mr TF:
I only got to meet Perl and Eddie thru the skreen door. Perl was kinda hissy, but I think me and Eddie cood be good frends.
Salem is an indoor cat, and she’s a munchkin with vary vary short legs. I got to meet her and sniff her and she was nice. SHE IS THE FERST GERL CAT I EVER MET!!!!! She smelld reely good. I wooda trided to git to know her better, but I kinda got tung-tide and didn’t know whut to say.
As yoo can planely see, Fred is a dawg. Fred shode up on my faverit ant Joanne’s doorstep one rainey nite, with his feet all bloody frum walking many miles. He had gottin old and sumwun had dumpt him — they probly wunted a kyoot puppey insted of an old dawg with vet-man bills. Poor Fred is deff and arthuritik and he duzn’t moove too fast, but evrywun luvs him. I don’t ixzaktly love him, but I give him a pass bekuz his storey is so sad. He wares booteez on his feet so he won’t slip on the hardwood floor.
Anyway, win I wuzn’t looking, Fred wint in and lade down in the teevee room, so he was shorter than I was. I didn’t know whut that wuz, so I wint up and snifft, and all of a sudden I realized it was the dawg! And I jumped and ran away as fast as I cood. Evrywun lafft at that.
I don’t have pikchurs frum the turkey dinner or of me in my turkey swetter becuz things got kinda hektik once we got to Ant Joanne’s howse. Thare were sum old peepul thare hoo were driving Ant Joanne crazy, asking how much longer till we cood eet, and it wasn’t even lunchtime, yet. Win I ferst got thare, I stade in my cuzzin Eric’s room until I got aklimayted, and then I started doing patrols just like I do at home. It’s a lot of werk doing a patrol in a place yoo’ve never bin before, espeshully win thare are stranje cats and a dog and abowt a millyun smells to process. We stade at Ant Joanne’s a long time. The old peepul left, and then we had fun. And later, we left to go to A NEW PLACE! We wint to a HO-tell.
A HO-tell is like a small howse with not as many rooms as owr reguler howse in Castro Valley by the big forest. I ixplord evry sqware inch of the HO-tell. It didn’t have dawg and cat smells like Ant Joanne’s howse had. It had diffrint smells — most of them I’d never smelld beefore. Win I got thare I realized thare wood be a lot of ixploring to do. Ferst, I chekd owt a littul room that I thot mite be my bedroom becuz it was just my size, but it was the fireplace:
They put my new litter box in the kichin, and gave me sum dinner, wile Mr Tasty Face flost his teeth to git all the turkey owt (he has good high-jeen that way):
They put my cozey burrito bed on thare bed so I had all the cumferts of home:
And then it was time for me to chek evrything owt and do my patrols:
And win it apeerd that the premisis were safe and seekyoor and thare was no disernubul vishus deer thret, me and Mr TF played the tinsel wand game with me with my Whirly*Pop Klubhowse:
But win playtime was over, I had to sit down to do my blogging, becuz I had to annownse that Smudge wun the Tales of Devoshun Kontest. The Food Lady was vary thotfull in finding a HO-tell that alowd pets AND had hi speed innernet aksess. Ferst, I had to dubbul chek that thare were no vishus deer under the desk…..
… and then I sat down to rite my blog:
I stade up praktikly all nite, ixploring and patroling the HO-tell room. Thare were creechurs in the seeling that I cood heer but not see. I thot they mite be vishus deer, but I’m not shoor they can git inside seelings. I also pooped and walked acrost the bed abowt 500 times. I had a littul problim with sqwishy poop between my toze wich got Mr Tasty Face awake. In the morning, there was evidinse left behind that I had trakt my poop acrost the sheets on the bed:
That may be more informayshun than yoo need to know, but I’m trying not to leeve anything owt of my storey.
THE NEXT MORNING
In the morning, Mr Tasty Face wint to git the Food Lady some koffey, becuz it was vary erly and he didn’t want her to be kranky like she was the preeveeyus morning. She was vary vary happy that the koffey was good AND they provided the French Vuniluh kreemer that she likes so much. After she drank her ferst cup, they went owt of the HO-tell room and left me by myself wile they ate brekfist at the HO-tell. I wated for them frum under the peepul bed. It was a nice hidey place. The Food Lady must have had many more cups of koffey at brekfist becuz she wasn’t that kranky win they came bak to the room.
Then they took all the stuff owt of the room wile I watcht them. They put it bak in the red masheen. Then they lookt evryware in the room to make shoor they didn’t leeve anything behind… like ME! They took me owt and put me in the red masheen, rite in my heeted burrito bed:
JUST LIKE TOONCES….!
We wint bak to Ant Joanne’s for like a minit, and then before we wint bak to the Eyes 5 rode, they let me drive the red masheen! It was EEEZEY!! It was so eezy, I cood do it with my eyes clozd:
THE RIDE HOME
Then we hit the rode. We drove bak thru Oildale, the center of sivilizayshun, wich is on the way to the Eyes5. This is anuther vyoo of the oil feelds:
Win we were on owr way to the Eyes 5 rode, I saw a green feeld FULL of vishus sheep:
Vishus sheep have 4 stumiks just like vishus deer — oveeyusly so they can eet lots and lots of tender joosy cats at one time. I felt safe looking at the sheep frum the safety of the red masheen, but win they started smakking thare lips and saying, “Ataaaaaaaaaak the Caaaaaaaat,” I knew it was time to leeve. Whut is intristing abowt the red masheen is that it has a reer vyoo mirrer, wich allows yoo to see the butts of whutever yer looking at. Wich is how I can be both looking at the frunts of the vishus sheep AND thare butts at the same time in the reer vyoo mirrer.
Not too far frum ware we saw the vishus sheeps, we past the Bakersfeeld Harley Davidsun store. I took this pikchur for Rocky, hoo reely likes Harleys. (Hmm… I wunder ware he is? I haven’t seen him sinse yesterday….)
Once we were bak on the Eyes 5, thare was a lot to see, and I made shur I got to see all of it:
THE CHUCK ERRECA REST STOP
But the most ixsiting part abowt the trip bak home was the stop at the Chuck Erreca Rest Stop wich is the most fameus rest stop on Eyes 5. Win I saw the sine, I knew we were close!
And abowt 30 secunds later, we got thare. As yoo can planely see, the Chuck Erreca Rest Stop is vary byootiful, with trees and grass and a PET AREA.
Littul did I know that THIS time, they were going to let me owt of the red masheen to “do my bizniss” and ixplore the Chuck Erreca Rest Stop Pet Area. Mr TF took me owt on my leesh and I got to smell abowt a MILLYUN dog smells. I cooda stade thare all day just smellin’ stuff! Wow, I think the Chuck Erreca Rest Stop was the hilite of my rode trip, ixsept for win I got to drive the red masheen. The hole way home I kept trying to git bak in the driver’s seet so I cood drive agin, but they woodn’t let me, even tho thare are NO CLIFS TO DRIVE OVER ON THE EYES 5 and it wood have bin pritty safe. So I had to be content watching owt the window.
After we left the Chuck Erreca Rest Stop, we wint to git gas. Win yoo git gas on a rode trip, it’s a diffrint kind of gas than the kind of gas Mr Tasty Face has win they call him “Captin Mercaptan.” It stays in big tanks until yoo put it in yer masheen with a hoze:
And yoo cood see many miles frum the gas place becuz yoo didn’t have a forest or seenery to git in the way:
Win we got closer to home, Mr TF finely reelented and let me help him drive:
And I was so ixsited abowt gitting to help him drive that I didn’t realize we were alreddy home!
But the VARY BEST PART of my rode trip was gitting home and having a reeyoonyun with my big bruther Mao. I wint strate to bed becuz I was tired frum all that driving, and Mao lade on top of me and groomd me till I thot he likt all my hare off:
THARE’S NO PLACE LIKE HOME!
Drop by Kimo & Sabi’s blog to reed abowt thare Mommakitty’s advenchurs in Bakersfeeld for Thanksgiving …. she stade at a place ware they take defense aginst the vishus deer vary seeriusly!